You would think after applying makeup to basically the same face (mine) for the past three decades that I’d have certain skills down pat by now. That muscle memory would somehow kick in. That however minuscule each individual improvement might be, the cumulative effect over a long period of time would be some level of expertise.

And yet I still can’t put my eyeliner on straight.

I’ve got so many things other than eyeliner that I also think I should be better at by now. Basic stuff… You’d think after a few decades of following Jesus around, I’d do a better job on these things. And yet, I still manage to stray from the path He lays out for me, dipping down into spaces I’m not supposed to go and generally making a mess. I try to clean it up. I try to cover up the mistake. I certainly hope no one will notice. But I notice, and I just think I should be better at this by now.

I’ve had seasons where I watched my life scatter into millions of pieces. And I’ve been graced with enough good friends who’ve been right there to carry the things most precious to me: my hopes, my dreams, even my calling. When I didn’t have what it takes to pull things back together and keep my dreams alive, I had faithful people in my life who have carried my dreams for me. They speak them back over me even now, returning them to my heart and mind for me to tend and grow. When I was too overwhelmed to hold on to them, these dear ones stepped in and carried them for me.

Transitions come in a variety of flavors - some gradual and pleasant, some predictable, others more like drop-kicks from the end-zones of life. I pulled the full trifecta this year. You’d only have to go back a couple of months to find me in a radically different space than the one I sit in today. My heart is still catching up with the rest of me, and my stomach churns sometimes with all the twists and turns. I’m actually pretty nervous about writing this while I’m still sorting things through. But several folks have asked for the inside scoop on my recent adventures, so…here I am.

Part of the reason I haven’t written much lately is that I haven’t been able to string more than two brain cells together before the next crisis blows them apart again. But every once in a while, a few of those synapses have collided, sparking some interesting thoughts. I figured that in the few moments I have between gusts of wind right now, I might as well jot them down.

If I’m honest, I’d say my daily prayer times with God have been somewhat less-than lately. God broke through the hardening shell around my heart with just the kind of message I’d expect from Him. “Got a stale and stagnant prayer life?” He’d ask. “Well, let’s just turn that whole thing upside down, then. Let’s begin at the end.”

I threw the question out to God as a bit of a joke. A cute tag line. A throwaway phrase that I really didn’t think much about ‘cause I thought I knew the answer.

And then, God said, “Yes.”

We can KNOW all the right stuff, but in the heat of the moment, we need to actually DO something with what we know. Intellectual recitations sound great, but they don’t mean diddly-squat to an embattled heart. The spiritual battlefield may be in our minds, but it’s our hearts that are on the line in the end, and those are usually the places where we suffer the most collateral damage. Thinking clearly may be impossibly hard, so we need a straightforward spiritual battle strategy.

Ever struggle to understand God and His Word and get frustrated ‘cause it doesn’t seem fair or logical? Yeah, me too. But Christianity doesn’t work by a set of religious do’s and don’ts. It’s much messier - and much better - than that.

I've been living in the "other duties as assigned" zone for months now. But Jesus does plenty of “other duties” that we might not expect while He walks the earth. And who knows what God might do with the unexpected tasks He’s assigned me.

Looking back on a dark season of life, I can see life-giving moments wrapped up in memories of making egg rolls with my mom. And I'm grateful for the life God gives, even in the middle of death.

Living a good life sounds like the answer to life's questions. But who gets to define what is good and how do we know if we're measuring up? Only the One who is truly good can answer this question.

Is it possible to "B STILL" in a world going at breakneck speed all the time? Only if there's truly a difference between being still and doing still.

Quick fixes and easy solutions aren't strong enough to hold up in the heat of a broken world. Only an investment in Love has the strength to hold us up in the end.

It’s been a wild week. Just living in times like these brings a certain amount of cray-cray by nature, but these last few days were a doozy. All of the work of a five-day week got crammed into three because of the calendar (MLK day) and the weather (Austin doesn’t do well with sleet and freezing rain). The work I had on my plate probably could have filled two or even three normal weeks. So “wild” as a descriptor doesn’t really do my week justice.

Spiritually stuck in the Terrible Twos, I pitch a fit because I can't get the black dishwasher I want. Who's really in charge here, me or God?

Seems like a good time for a fresh start. I mean, the new year isn’t even a week old, the tone of 2018 is set about as firm as jello. And everyone around me talks “clean slate”, “my word for the year”, “resolutions”, and “goals.” Guess this is as good a time as ever.