Fumbling Our Way Toward Faith: A How-To Guide In Progress
Uncertain times can give us an uncertain grip on our faith. Here’s how I’m moving towards God instead of away from him in the wackiness of our world.
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Can I be extra real with you? I’m in a bit of a fumble. As in tripping and falling and getting a bit scraped up on the way down. It’s just that kind of season, and I don’t have the energy to pretend that it’s not. You, too? Yeah…as they like to say in the commercials, we’re all in this together.
We’re in a strange space where the ongoing pandemic, economic crisis, protests against racial injustice, political nightmares, and general societal angst have taken their toll. And there’s no end in sight. Add those layers on top of the normal stuff of life and the struggles of living in a broken world. Jobs have demands and deadlines. Babies are born and cry all night long. Family members fall ill and sometimes pass away. Kids struggle in school. Relationship issues don’t dissolve nor can we push the “pause” button and wait until a better, more stable time to manage our stuff. We’re trying to carry the ball forward in our lives, but in the face of all of the obstacles and under the never-ending pressure, it’s easy to fumble.
Even fumble our faith.
Isn’t God supposed to be our refuge, our strength, our shield in times of trouble? Didn’t He promise to be an ever-present help? Where is He in all of this? Faced with seemingly overwhelming evidence that God isn’t paying attention, even our most cherished and deeply rooted beliefs can feel a little shifty and troublesome to hold on to. Our faith is the last thing we want to fumble and drop.
But could we fumble forward towards faith instead of completely dropping the ball? When we find ourselves stumbling, even flat on our faces, can we still find that we’ve moved closer to God instead of away from Him?
That’s exactly what I’m working so very hard to do these days. I haven’t figured it out yet. But I have a few how-tos that I hope will help if you find yourself fumbling, too.
WHAT’S HELPING
Practicing spiritual disciplines. If you follow me on social media, then you know I’m choosing one of the classical spiritual disciplines each week and finding ways each day to practice it. With more than 60 disciplines listed in Adele Ahlberg Calhoun’s Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, I’ve plenty to choose from. One week, it’s gratitude, writing down at least five things I’m grateful for in my journal every day. The next week, it’s breath prayer (breathe in saying one God’s names, breathe out my needs, breathe in God, breathe out needs, repeat). This intentional practice anchors me to God several times a day and it’s truly changing me from the inside out. I’ve never had so much freedom and flexibility in the privacy of my own home to focus on trying on these habits. Some of them fit me pretty well, but most are a bit stiff and snug and need more work. They’re not magic in and of themselves, you know. But they do put my heart and mind in the best position to hear from God in these murky times.
“Spiritual disciplines put my heart and mind in the best position to hear from God in these murky times.”
Prayer. All sorts of prayer. All the time. Whenever I think of it or whenever I feel particularly lousy or when I’m not really feeling anything at all. Bullet prayers, contemplative prayer, journaling prayers, corporate prayers with my friends, reciting the Lord’s prayer when I can’t think of anything else…anything helps. Just talk to Jesus. He’s here, always, no matter what. His very name is Emmanuel (God with us) so it’s not just something He does. It’s who He is.
Staying connected. It’s easy to get all apathetic and just…not. That’s part of the fumble, the temptation to shut down and shut off from the world. Total isolation would be a HUGE mistake. One of the first things I did was to let my peeps know that I felt the fumble coming. And I’ve been doing my best to keep up with our regular gatherings and at least see their faces on Zoom when I can. When I can’t, they know I’m struggling and they’ve given me the grace to be alone if I’m a puddle, or they’ve given me the nudge I need to stay plugged in. Fumbling is not pretty and it’s scary to let others see our messes, but we don’t have to try to keep things together on our own. It would be disastrous if we tried.
Intentional rest. I’ve been a champion of #SabbathSaturdays for a good long time. I can’t tell you how often I would have crumbled into pieces without a good and literal 24-hour break from ALL OF IT. This habit developed over the years has trained my brain to shut down almost automatically at the end of the workweek (to the point where I can’t really tell left from right anymore). I can’t recommend it enough.
I hear that there are some among us who suddenly have a whole lot of extra time on their hands, at least that’s the rumor going around. I don’t know very many in that boat. With kids home and working from home and the continual pivoting of business strategies and methods along with the steep learning curve that comes from operating in an unprecedented environment, an awful lot of us have MORE to manage through this pandemic rather than less. If we allow each day to drone into the next without stopping and just chilling out with Jesus on a regular basis, we will eventually fall apart. I’ve been there. It ain’t pretty.
God put Sabbath as one of His Top Ten Commands, so it must be pretty important. We rest for two reasons: 1) God rested after His work of creation and we do what He does; and 2) God wants us to remember that we’re not slaves to anything, that we’re free in Him. Anything we can’t stop doing for a day is something that we just might be a slave to. We challenge the idols in our lives when we Sabbath rest. And in these stressful times, we need it more than ever.
Exercise. I hate sweating. So you can imagine how excited I get about exercise. But I’ve learned that those endorphins really do make a difference in my thinking and my mood when I buckle down and just make myself go to the gym or go for a walk. There’s always the reward of a nice hot shower or bath when I’m done. Mmmmmm…lavender soap…
Plus, science has learned that when we repeat rhythmic actions incorporating both sides of our bodies, we actually think more clearly. When we walk, run, swim, cycle, or something else that has us going right-left-right-left over and over, we engage both halves of our brains and get them talking to each other. And when our minds are working at their best, we’re far more likely to remember God’s truths than when we’re half-brain-dead dull and tired. Walking and cycling have been doing it for me, and I try to get a good 45-minute session 3-4 times a week.
Photo by Ergita Sela on Unsplash
Reading good books. If you do happen to be one of those folks with extra time on your hands, then feeding your mind and your soul could be a good idea. Nothing like a good book to turn your thoughts to productive places. Even if you’re not sitting around twiddling your thumbs and looking for alternatives to the endless Netflix binge, gleaning some wisdom from writers new and old is a great practice. I’ve got several books next to my prayer chair that I read in little chunks along with my daily devotionals. They’re one way I get out of my own head and listen to someone else’s ideas for a while.
We’ve got easy and almost instant access to some of the most amazing wisdom and writers out there, both in the fiction and non-fiction world. I lean much more towards non-fiction myself, but I have a few recommendations in both categories. (these are affiliate links, by the way, so if you use these to buy any of these books, it helps me out….thanks!)
FICTION:
Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard - this was the first Christian book I ever read, and it hangs with me decades later. It’s a beautiful allegory of the gospel told through the eyes of Much Afraid as she follows the Shepherd to a new life.
Sensible Shoes by Sharon Garlough Brown - my close friends rave about the insights they’re gaining from these books. I’m just beginning them myself, but I trust my friends implicitly, so I feel good about recommending them to you.
Afraid of the Light by Cynthia Ruchti - Cynthia’s latest release walks through a story of redemption with a clinical psychologist faced with deep-seated issues of her own. This book came out last month and it’s getting rave reviews. It’s the next book on my reading list.
NONFICTION:
Following Jesus by Henri J. M. Nouwen - a dear friend sent this to me when I let her know that I was starting to fumble in this season. I devoured it in just a few days, and I plan to keep it in my morning devotional rotation. It’s derived from a series of lectures Henri gave on calling, purpose, and hope, and it’s extremely practical.
Ready to Rise by Jo Saxton - I’ve been a fan of Jo for a while now, so I was excited to get my hands on her newest book. Jo speaks directly to the hearts of women, encouraging us to step into our areas of influence with authenticity and courage. She’s so pragmatic and real, and she doesn’t sugar coat any of the challenges we face even as she offers insightful approaches to facing them.
The Joyful Christian by C. S. Lewis - this is the book that I’m currently going through with my devotionals. It’s a series of essays and book excerpts on everything from the doctrine of the Trinity to the nature of prayer, broken up into short, bite-sized pieces. I’ve been a C.S. Lewis fan for years, and I’ll probably pick up the Chronicles of Narnia again soon just for jollies.
WHAT’S NOT HELPING
I’ve got a few things that I’m actively avoiding in this fumbling season. Actually, I’d recommend that we avoid these things no matter what the season, but in particular if we’re feeling stressed out and not in a good place.
Navel-gazing, being so introspective that I start spinning on everything that’s wrong with ME;
Blaming and looking to others to fix things for me when they’re under huge stressors of their own;
Trying to ignore the problem until later or pretend it doesn’t exist; and
Distracting myself with mindless entertainment.
SELF-GRACE IS SUCH A THING
Y’all, no one has ever been through a season like this, so there’s no need to beat ourselves up for not managing things better, even if our fumbles become an all-out falter or if we fail somehow. Our faith was a gift from God in the first place. He’ll be the One to sustain it - and us - in the end. A little fumbling along the way when times are tough doesn’t make us failures. It makes us human. Mortal. Not God.
Shocking, I know.
Show yourself a little grace as you talk to yourself during tough times.
God gives us grace for the struggle, and since we’re supposed to do what He does, we get to give ourselves and each other grace, too. That means we don’t have to let struggling with our struggles become new struggles of their own, compounding every bobble with a mental tongue-lashing for not being stronger or better or more “whatever” than we are. These trying times certainly test our faith, and we can thank God for showing us where we need to grow and depend on Him even more than we already do. So if we find ourselves in a fumble these days, let’s give ourselves the grace to acknowledge for what it is without berating ourselves for it.
Don’t think for a second that our enemy isn’t standing by ready to kick us while we’re down and then laugh at us, throwing anything that looks remotely like a failure in our faces. He loves these “opportune times” to come along and take advantage of any weakness we show. So we’ve got to get our spiritual warfare going, too, and not play ourselves into his hands. Why make this season any more trying than it has to be? Instead, we can direct even the ugliest parts of ourselves to God and disarm the enemy of the shame he tries to press into us.
I, for one, have had the privilege of having the cycling studio at the gym to myself a few times and I’ve just let it loose, crying and yelling my questions at God while I pedal away. He hasn’t zapped me with lightning for my impudence yet. Just the opposite. When I’ve come to Him openly with my lament and my frustrations, He seems to squeeze my hand a little tighter and whisper, “I know, I know, child” in His own merciful and understanding way. We’d do the same with our own children when they’re falling apart, wouldn’t we? So we can give ourselves the grace to fall apart with our Heavenly Father instead of holding it all in and hiding it from Him out of some sort of sense of duty or appropriateness. It’s not like He doesn’t already know we’re fumbling anyway.
Instead, let’s bring this whole mess out into the light and fumble towards God. Let’s cry if we need to and cry to Him. Let’s scream to the skies if that’s what it takes and know that He hears us. Let’s huddle up close to Him in the dark of night and tell Him all about our sorrows and fears, running to Him for refuge. We can rehearse back to Him the words He gives us in the Psalms knowing that He knows, He deeply cares, and our fumbles don’t surprise or disappoint Him in the least. He just wants us to come to Him, even if it’s not a graceful waltz or steady stride in His direction. If all we can do is stumble and crawl but we’re reaching for Him, He’s more than enough to see us through.
SOME SCRIPTURES TO PRAY
I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. (Psalms 18:1-6)
But I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. (Psalms 55:16-17)
My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God (Psalms 84:2b)
Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, for I hide myself in you. (Psalms 143:7-9)
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